this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
