At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
