Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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