If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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