Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
