if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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