you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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