i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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