Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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