you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
