And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
