dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
