Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
