im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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