I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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