dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I didn't notice because vodka
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
