So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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