wanna go halves on a baby?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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