ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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