i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
