Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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