Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
