I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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