Pants 0. Shit 1.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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