I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
