hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
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