i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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