U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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