i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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