I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize