I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just want nice things and good sex
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
