Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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