doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
