There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Randomize
