Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Randomize
