if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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