can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
