My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
