so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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