yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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