i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
