Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
How does it feel to date your dad?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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