just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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