This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
