if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
