Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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