I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
