just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize