don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
