Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
