You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I have post one night stand depression
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