I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
