i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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