i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
