It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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