So drunk its hurt
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
