Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
