i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize