Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
