She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize