my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
