Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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