Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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