And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
