We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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